Mar 5, 2009

What Do Women Like About Men

With all of the advice online, which is best for attracting the opposite sex? Can I really trust this advice? If the subject is about attracting the opposite sex, we can refer to the science of evolution to get our answers.

Let's just put aside for the moment what women are telling us about what they're looking for in a man. Instead, we will simply observe their actual choices for a mate. The contrast between what they say they want and their actual choices is revealing.

There are women who say they want a man who listens to and appreciates what they have to say. But then go out with guys that dominate the conversation. Some women say they would like a gentle and kind man. But they'll date a guy who's got big muscles or perhaps has a lot of money.
Why all the discrepancies between what they say they would like and their actual choices? This paradox can be understood if you understand the true nature of attraction and how evolution has wired it into us.

First you need to know that attraction is not a thing that you have much control over. Women and men have very little if any control over the 'chemistry' of attraction. It's completely instinctual and was wired into us by evolution for reproductive reasons.

Men are interested in women who are in good health and are fertile. This is the reason why women who are youthful with curves of a certain proportion tend be favored by most men. Youth and a shapely body indicate high fertility. Some guys might say that they're more interested in other qualities, but their baser instincts drive them toward fertile women.

With sexual attraction, women too are governed by some very basic instincts. Women are drawn to men that can ensure the survival of their children. Thus they are attracted to strong and vigorous men who have a high status. A man of high status who is fit is a better provider than a weak man of low status.
The men with status are usually the leaders who exhibit great confidence. They are known as alpha males or the 'real men' that women refer to. So this is why power and big muscles will always beat niceness or the good listener every time.

When all of humanity where hunter/gatherers, listening to our women or even being nice to them wasn't essential for survival. What truly mattered more than all else was having the vigor and confidence to bring home the bacon. Only these qualities made a man successful at providing for his family.
Now you know why nice guys have no sex appeal. Or men that have no backbone and are unable to take charge. These are not attractive attributes in a man.

Today, having big muscles isn't all that essential if you're able to project strength and vitality. This can be done by the clothing that you choose to wear, the way you walk, and your level of physical fitness. Strength is also conveyed in how you act. A wuss is not sexy.

Many would say that the qualities of an attractive man are shallow. And in a way, that's correct. But keep in mind that sexual attraction is also a shallow thing. It's very old, primitive, and basic. It's a potent force that drives us all and has ensured the proliferation of our species.

While women are drawn by the qualities described here, these qualities aren't much good for keeping a relationship strong for the long term. But that's another topic. Before a relationship is possible though, you will have to attract someone first.

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